"And this," said the philosopher, "is the great and eternal conundrum of woman and child: that to be fond of the one is to risk the other."

Woman, get out of my chair!

The doctor noticed the problem right away. "Madam," he sighed, "I regret to inform you that your child is not complete."

"Doing these exercises regularly will minimize the chance that the doctor will need to use hooks to extrude the child from your cavity," said the midwife.

That night, she complained yet again that the head and foot boards were too long, and the mattress too narrow. "I warned you before you married me," he said, "that I am not skilled at craft."

If you [bound up] a number [ten] like a child, is it still a number ten, or does it become a child? We believe that it becomes a child at conception, regardless of the state of its binding.

Did you know that in some parts of the world they refer to a bundle of [pages] as a "[dagger] of pages"? That's why when you hand them a book they receive it with such humble acceptance. That's not true, is it? Nah. But it oughta be.

Do you think you [can put your [mouth] on the [street] and walk over yonder using nothing but your lips? No, I don't think that I can. Wuss.

As he got closer and noticed smashed [brains] all over the [street], he thought the better of stopping to ask for directions in this particular village.

Our narrow fellow crosses the street, still looking for that mate.

Well look, if I was having a problem waking with my [mouth] all [bound up],I wouldn't sleep with my sword in a separate room; that's all I'm saying.

My son, I offer you neither wealth nor sword, but rather a place at my right hand as my #vice-#god. Surely, that's worth suffering and dying for—don't you agree?

You wanna come into this joint? Leave your [shellfish] and your [sabers] outside, said the innkeep. That's the rule.

The shining of her necklace caught his attention this morning, just as it had every other morning. Another [day], another [seduction], he sighed.

Dad, can you tell me why the primitives for the Kanji for "seduce" are [sword] and [mouth]? I sure can't, darling. Why don't you go on inside and ask your mother?

You really want to know how van Gogh cut his ear off? He tried to juggle [seven] [swords], that's how. Where'd you hear that? From the fella who tried to warn him against it, that's where.

See? You've already got a drop of blood on your sword handle. Imagine if what I'd given you had had an actual blade!

Here's your sword handle. Just the handle? What about the rest of the sword? You'll get the rest of the sword once you show me you can handle the handle.

Do you think the word "paragraph" comes from a combination of [page] and [craft]? Nope.

I do not accept this tribute, said the domme. When you said you were going to [craft] me a new saltire, you should have also stated your intention to make it out of dried [shellfish] casings.

And not only that, Senator. Get this passed committee for me and I'll see to it that you have all the [shellfish] you could ever care to [possess]," he said, sweetening the bribe.

Scriabin once said that he wished that he could possess the world as he possessed a woman. Really? What do you think he meant by that? Well, I think he probably meant that he wanted to take the world by the [flesh] on her [side] and ... Yo…

Do you know which [side] of the [mouth] the truth exits from? The right side. That's right. Do you know why? Because it's on the side of right. That's why they call it the right side after all, right

Here, you will master the [craft] of entering on the left [side]. I know that entering on the right is customary, but we don't give much weight to custom here. We are visionaries. And this is displayed through the practice of "leftcraft," …

The math teacher laid [ten] [eye]s on the table. "Young man," she said. "It required six people in order for me to amass this number of eyes. True?"

The carpenter's apprentice surveyed the collection of [eye]s that had been laid out upon the [table]. Finally, he said, "master, I really don't see how it's possible to construct a chair with any of these." "It is not possible," said the c…

"Yes, sir!" said the assistant to his boss who, regrettably, had gotten both a [hook] and a [needle] lodged in his [eye]. "I'll get you an ice pack straightaway!"

Things were finally starting to settle down. But when the prime minister insisted upon the right to smear the opposition leader's [tongue] with [fish guts], well, that's when the riot started.

(Alternate meanings for this Kanji: pure, tasteful, and quaint.) "Why do you have a tattoo on your back that looks like a fish hook?" he asked. "Because I like to eat fish guts," she said. "I especially enjoy them raw, because that's when …

You know that phrase "pain in the neck?" Yep. Do you think maybe the reason it's not "pain in the [horns]" is because we don't have horns? Yep. We have [eye]s, though. One time my doctor gave me these eye[drop]s and putting those in was ju…